


Even if I died?

by orphan_account



Category: Dreamwastaken, GeorgeNotFound - Fandom, Minecraft - Fandom, dreamnotfound - Fandom, dreamteam - Fandom, mcyt
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Tragedy, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:21:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dream is in a toxic relationship with another person, which makes him struggle a lot with his mental health. Of course his life-long friend, George wants to help him get out of it. They will share many memories together, but will this make them realize something that they didn’t know before?This book contains various sensitive topics, so please don’t read if it may trigger you.Sensitive topics:Suicidal  thoughtsSelf HarmVomitAbusive relationshipUnhealthy behavior
Relationships: Dream & GeorgeNotFound, Dream/GeorgeNotFound, dreamnotfound - Relationship
Comments: 23
Kudos: 126





	1. Introduction

Hi! Welcome to my story! This story is taking place in an AU. Both Dream and George had said they are okay with any kind of shipping so please keep that in mind. Remember anything that happens in this story is made up and doesn’t mean any harm to anyone.

Dream is in a toxic relationship with another person, which makes him struggle a lot with his mental health. Of course his life-long friend, George wants to help him get out of it. They will share many memories together, but will this make them realize something that they didn’t know before? This book contains various sensitive topics, so please don’t read if it may trigger you.

Sensitive topics:

Suicidal thoughts

Self Harm Vomit

Abusive relationship

Unhealthy behaviors

This will be how the story will normally be written.

_Italics are normally thoughts or texts_

**These are used when a specific word/sentence needs to be highlighted**


	2. Please No!

This chapter contains abuse

I screwed up. Why did I end up in this position? How can I write a structured story when everything in my life is chaos? I turned off my computer and stood up from my chair. I walked out of my room and then walked back in; I forgot my phone. My phone is very important to me. I take it everywhere I go. Also, my earphones. Music is the thing that has kept me alive for so many years. 

I walked out of my room, knowing well that I didn't do anything productive, I just stayed there looking at a screen for two hours straight.  _ Wow, I’m such a disappointment.  _ People always tell me that I’m too hard on myself, but what's the point if I'm not doing things correctly? 

I walked out my door and then into my front garden. I started walking along the sidewalk. Cars passed by me as I tried to play music. The first song started blasting as I shuffled along the sidewalk. This time of the day was the only moment I was in complete peace. This world is so messed up. But I can’t do anything about it, at least that's what  **he** says. I have no other option but to believe him. 

My phone buzzed. It scared me, since I wasn't used to receiving lots of texts. I mean, not until I started dating  **him** . James is always texting me, It’s a little annoying but I don’t say anything. He texts me at least 30 times a day. Yesterday it was thirty-three times, because I told him I wanted to escape as a joke. I don’t know why he takes things so seriously, but it scares me a little. 

_ Clay are you there?  _ I sighed as I read it.  _ Clay answer me _ , I left my phone burst with notification while I read all of them.  _ Hello James _ , I wrote,  _ what’s up? _ I waited for James’s response. He wrote,  _ come to my house. Okay,  _ I wrote back,  _ see you there in 10.  _ I turned around, since I was going the opposite way. I walked to his house as the sun set.

I finally arrived at his house after a couple minutes. “Hi James,” I said, cracking my knuckles. he was smiling at me. 

“Hi Clay,” he said, “I missed you.” He hugged me for a couple of seconds, I hugged him back weakly. Almost as if I felt no love. “I’m home alone today as you may notice, we could maybe-”

“James, we started dating one week ago,” I interrupted, making my voice sound lower than usual. I tried to push myself away from his hug, but he grabbed my wrists, his nails dug into my skin. I started breathing heavily.

“So what? That doesn’t mean anything.” The more I pushed away, the tighter his grip got. “Don’t be scared, you know I wouldn’t hurt you.” 

“James, I don’t really feel like it.” I said, in a very quiet voice. I am scared.

James laughed, “Come on, just a little bit,” he kept insisting, “You’ll like it. I promise.” Instead of waiting for my response he pinned me to a wall and started kissing me. I stood there with my eyes open, doing nothing as he passionately made out with me.  _ At least it wasn’t that bad, right? _

Almost as if I had jinxed it, he started forcing my shirt off.  _ Shit shit shit, I really don’t want to do this.  _ “James, stop,” I said softly. 

“Shut up,” he responded, hoarsely. “Take it off.” 

Fear was surrounding me. “James stop!” I yelled. A second later after I said that, I felt a stinging sensation on my cheek. I quickly held my face, Each second the pain became stronger.

“I said shut up! I warned you,” James yelled. I tried to hold my tears back. 

“You said you weren’t gonna hurt me, James,” I muttered, while I crumpled into the ground. My legs couldn’t keep me standing. I fell onto my knees. 

“Stand up.” 

I waited for my body to regain strength. I stood up slowly trying to maintain balance.Once I was standing completely I tried to run away, but his hands gripped my wrists again. “James, James- please not now.” Tears ran down my face, making the world blurry. I tried to free my hands by shaking them. My phone started ringing. 

“C-can I please answer?” I asked. James didn’t answer, but he let go of my wrists. 

It was George. “Hi, Clay wanna come to my house later?” 

I instantly said, “Hi mom. What's up?” 

“What? I’m not your mom,” he said, but then understood, “Wait, Clay, are you crying?” He said, with a worried voice. 

“ **Yes** mom, I’ll be there in a minute.” 

“Is everything okay?” 

“ **No,** I’m sorry, I’ll be there soon,” I said. 

“Call me when you’re home. Or, wanna come to mine? Please, I’m worried.” George’s voice was shivering. 

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” I hung up. “James, I have to go. I’m sorry, my mom needs help.” 

“Okay.” It looked like James didn’t have much to say. “Stop crying. You’re such a pussy.” 

Thank god George called me. Oh my god I thought I was going to die. I dashed out the door. More tears traveled down my cheeks each second. George lived a few blocks away, I ran towards his house the fastest I could. I really need a hug. 

I saw his house from a distance. A small white house with vines in the walls. I was almost there. 

I was in front of his front yard. I walked to his porch. As soon as I was below the roof, it started raining. The wood on the floor squeaked as I made my way to the door. I rang the doorbell and waited for George to come get it. As usual, George opened the door seven seconds later. He would open the bedroom door, walk down the aisle. He had to walk down the stairs, in which there were thirteen stairs, and then make a left turn, the door would be there. 

People tell me I always over analyze things. But I don’t do it on purpose.  _ Anyways.  _ I waited for George to open the door. “OMG! Are you okay?” George exclaimed when he saw me. I started tearing up. 

“I’m scared, George.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter! Please don’t hesitate to give your opinions in the comments!


	3. Are you okay?

Warning:This chapter talks about vomiting

“Do you want to talk about it?” George asked, he was rubbing my back slowly. I didn’t answer. “Maybe eat something? Or here, you left some clothes here the other day. You need to get ready for sleep.” He pointed to the chair on the other side of the room, a hoodie was there. 

As soon as George moved his arm I shivered and tried to hide between my arms. “N- no im okay.” I whispered. George gave me a concerned look, he gripped my chin and held it carefully but strongly. Our eyes met. 

“It’s okay I’m here with you,” George said, “No one can hurt you here.” I froze for a second.  _ I’m okay here, George is with me. He is holding me. No one will hurt me.  _ I took a deep breath and yawned. 

“I’m hungry. But I’m also tired.” I said. George smiled, a subtle but perfect and real smile. “George, has anyone ever told you… no nevermind.” 

“Told me what?” George questioned.

“Nothing, It’s just that you have a very pretty smile.” I responded. George’s eyes sparkled. 

“Oh, shut up. I’m blushing now:” George laughed. He looked down, unable to meet my eyes. 

“I mean, I’m just saying the truth. Anyway, wanna go eat something?” I asked. 

George stood up and we walked to the kitchen. He handed me a box of cereal and I served some on each bowl. As soon as I looked down at my bowl I felt sick. I wanted to throw up all over the place. But, I didn’t want to be rude so I forced the food inside my mouth. I poured some milk in it, making it look more gross and weird. 

“Clay are you okay?” George asked. 

“Yup, why?” I said, trying to contain my need to vomit. It burned. “Do you have some water?” I asked. 

“Yeah, you know where the cups are.” I grabbed a cup and filled it with water. I swallowed it as fast as I could.  _ That will make my sickness go away.  _

“I- I think I’m full.” I said. 

“But you didn’t eat anything. Are you sure you’re not hungry?” George asked. 

“Mhm. I’m perfectly fine.” I responded.  _ Yeah sure. “ _ I’m actually kind of tired.” 

“Then let's go to sleep.”

We walked to George’s room and I crawled on top of the bed. I started panicking.  _ How am I going to be free from James? Am I always gonna live like this?  _ “Clay? Are you okay?” He laid down on the bed. His hand petted the bed, telling me to lay down. 

I curled up inside the blankets next to George. I was shaking and I had a headache. “Hey George, can you… can you hug me?” I muttered in embarrassment. “I know I normally don’t ask for this but-” 

“It’s okay, come here.” George interrupted. I turned around and moved my head for it to be on top of George’s chest. His heart was beating loudly. “You hear it?” he paused, “My heart? concentrate on it, don’t think about anything else. You’re safe with me.”

I placed my arm around him and hugged him tight. “Thanks.” I whispered, “Thank you for helping me.” 

He closed his eyes and after a few minutes he fell asleep. I was admiring his face. I felt safe with George. Not long after I fell asleep too. 

\-------------------------------------

“Clay is everything okay?” George asked as he walked inside the bathroom. “What’s going on?” I did not have any strength left to answer. My body was sore and my throat hurt. I was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, throwing up. 

“Y...yeah, I’m okay… I guess…” I struggled speaking. I wiped my mouth. 

“How long have you been here?” He asked.  _ I don’t know.  _

“I don’t know-” I threw up again. 

“Let me go get some water and another hoodie for you.” George walked out of the bathroom. Everything looked blurry and confusing. I closed my eyes.  _ Why why why? Why does this happen now? _

George walked back inside and he handed me a cup of water. “Drink it. It might help.” I didn’t want to. “Clay, you heard me. Drink it.” I drank it slowly. “I found this hoodie, It might be a little small but try it on.” 

He placed it next to me. Once I finished the water I tried to put on George’s hoodie. “You’re so short.” I said weakly. It didn’t fit me. 

“Oh it’s not my fault you’re a fucking sky scraper.” George said, I laughed. But like a  **real** laugh, it’s been a while since that has happened. “Okay but first, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I am now.” I responded. I yawned, “Let’s go sleep, It’s like four a.m.” 

“Yep I’m tired.” George said, “I guess you’ll have to sleep with your boxers only.” George said while laughing. 

“Sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s okay, I’m glad I could help you.” George said, he was looking at me with a grin. 

We layed back in bed and George, again, fell asleep quickly. I looked at the roof and that’s when my thoughts interrupted my sleep.  _ What if he thinks I’m weird? Maybe he doesn’t like hugs. Maybe he thinks I’m being pathetic. How am I gonna tell him I have a boyfriend? I’m not even out to him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hate life.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope all of you are having a great day. I wanted to say something, please keep in mind i would NEVER want this to happen to anyone. I would never want the people mentioned in the story to go through this. This is an AU and it’s all made up. I mean no harm to anyone and I would never want the cc mentioned in this story to feel uncomfortable with this.


	4. Are you okay?

This chapter talks about self harm and abuse 

  
  


Life has been a bit confusing ever since i started dating James, it’s like i'm not myself anymore. I sometimes feel like I don’t exist. I forget what I look like and the world becomes blurry and dark. 

My stomach hurts and I have a headache. Hm weird. Maybe I’m exaggerating all of this, maybe I’m just seeing things. “I’ve gotta shower. I smell.” George said while laughing. I nodded. 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you here.” I said. I sat on George’s bed and started scrolling through my phone. Pictures of people living the perfect life, people laughing. I wish I had that. George took his shirt off in front of me. He always does this, but this time it felt different. My cheeks went red. I smiled and covered my face with my hand.  _ Why am I feeling this? Shit.  _

He walked inside the bathroom. While he was showering I layed on his bed, thinking about life. About my errors, my mistakes, my goals. 

I have no goals. 

I heard George singing in the shower. I chuckled and started thinking about what he looked like while singing in there. My brain couldn’t focus on anything else. He’s my best friend, I’m not supposed to be feeling this. He’s straight. 

“Done.” He said, Apparently I stayed there thinking about him for fifteen minutes. Now that I think about it, he’s very attractive. I sluggishly got up and walked to the bathroom, I dragged my feet slowly looking down. 

“Why are you being so quiet?” George asked, “Is everything okay? Wanna talk about it later?” My hands instantly started shaking. 

“Look, George, not right now.” I said, accidentally sounding mad. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sound mean.” 

“It’s okay.”

“Okay.” I closed the bathroom door and turned the shower on. For a few seconds I looked at the mirror, I looked so miserable. Ew. Why do I hate myself so much? I took all my clothes off and got in the shower. It was still cold, but I deserve it. Water poured down my body, my wrists started stinging. 

I looked at them, they were bruised and there were some cuts on them. When James did that I didn’t feel it. I forgot about them until now. I hate life. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate being alive. I deserve to suffer. 

I looked at my wrists and started scratching them. I need to feel pain, I need to feel something. Blood started to come out. I clenched my teeth. I kept hurting myself until George called me. “Hey, are you there?”

“Mhm. I’ll finish in a second.” I responded, trying to sound happy. I turned the shower off. I got out of it and dried myself with a towel. 

\---------

“What happened to your wrists?” George asked. I refused to answer. “I’m worried. Please, remember you can trust me.” I give up.

“So you know how I haven’t been with you as much recently?” I said, he nodded, “Okay, so there’s this b-boy named James…” My eyes started to get watery. 

“Is it about what I think it is?” George said. 

I sighed, “Yes George, I’m bi.” _ Fuck _ . 

“Oh, okay. But how’s this related?” George said. 

“You’re just gonna ignore the fact that I just came out?”

“Well It’s not like you’re a different person now,” he chuckled, “But, thanks for trusting me.” 

“Wanna know the truth?”

“Yes, please I wanna know everything.” 

I told George everything that happened. I felt somehow relieved. I’m also glad that he reacted well to my coming out. 

“But, did he do that to your wrists? I think I saw them yesterday and they weren’t that bad.” George said.  _ Fuck.  _

“Yeah he did,” I lied, “Hey wanna go to the park or something?” I tried to change the subject. 

“Okay.” 

I didn’t know what to say. I walked out of his room and waited for him in the living room. Oh shit, I forgot to tell my mom I was coming here. “George? Hurry!” I exclaimed. No response. “George? Are you there?” No response. 

I walked back to George’s room, he was sitting in his bed, hiding his face with his legs. Tears poured down his face. “Hey, are you okay?” I said softly. He looked up at me. 

“I don’t know how to help you. I want to help you. I don’t like seeing you in pain.” George said, quavering. I feel bad now, I made my friend cry. 

“No, no. It’s okay,” I responded, “It’s my fault.” 

“I need to help you.” 

“George, there’s nothing we can do about this.”

“I don’t care. I’ll help you escape.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hurt to write, I cried at least 3 times while writing it. Sorry this chapter was a little short! Remember to drink water and eat something! I hope you all have a great day.


	5. Not everything is about you

“Are you gonna do something about it?” George asked. 

“I already said this,” my voice was getting loud, “I can’t do anything about it.” As George and I walked through the park a little girl was looking at my wrists. I crossed my arms trying to hide them. 

“Yes you can.” George answered. 

“George, No we can’t!” I accidentally yelled at him. 

“Are you sure you can’t do anything about it?” George asked, “Or do you just wanna make yourself suffer?”  _ Damn. I didn’t think about that.  _   
  


“Anyways, wanna get Ice cream?” I tried to change the subject  **again.** George sighed. 

“Clay please,” George said, “I don’t wanna be annoying but please.” I was starting to get annoyed. My hands started shaking again. 

“WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?” I yelled, “THE ONLY THING YOU’RE GONNA GET IT YOU DO SOMETHING IS THAT YOU’RE GONNA GET HURT.”

George’s face started to become pale and sad. “But-” 

“NO, I’M TIRED. NO, NO, NO.” I interrupted. “Please.” 

“WELL DON’T YOU THINK I’M TIRED TOO?” “I’M EXTREMELY TIRED OF TRYING TO HELP YOU. YOU DON’T EVEN APPRECIATE IT.” 

“I- I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to.” I said, oh shit what did i do now? 

“I don’t care, don’t talk to me.” 

“But George, I’m-” 

“You? You? Not everything is about you.” George said, “We have life too, you’re not the only one that suffers.” 

He walked away. My eyes started to get teary and my stomach started aching. The world turned dark. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry.” I muttered under my breath. I need to go home now. I ran towards the street, a taxi was there.  _ I don’t deserve it. _

I took my phone out of my pocket and plugged in my earphones. I started playing music. I started to cry while I walked. Thankfully my house was close, I dashed through the streets trying to get home. I didn’t even bother checking if cars were coming my way. Who cares if I get run over by a car? Actually, I would be grateful if that happened. 

I opened my house’s door, I walked inside. “Mom?” I exclaimed, no answer. “Mom I’m home.” 

I turned around to close the door, a note was stuck on it.  _ Hi clay, I had to travel to europe because of work. Sorry I didn’t call you, I was in a rush. Love you, Mom.  _ What. Ugh. I immediately walked to my room and jumped on the bed. I closed my eyes. I hopefully won't wake up tomorrow. 

I miss George. I wish he was here with me. I wish he was hugging me, or playing with my hair. No. I just wish he was here with me. “Hurt yourself.” I heard a voice call me. “Hurt your…” The voice started fading.  _ Should I do it?  _ I thought. 

I haven’t felt anything in a few days, maybe that will make me feel something. I got up and tried to think of the easiest ways to hurt myself. 

My brain turned off. I walked to my desk and grabbed a sharpener. I tried to break it.  _ Break, break, break.  _ My mind repeated. 

I finally broke it. I held it with my right hand. I looked at my arm. I placed the blade on top of it. The blade danced through my arm, making shallow but painful cuts in it. I didn’t feel anything.  _ More, more, you deserve it.  _ My brain repeated. 

The blade pushed against my skin, making the cuts deeper. Ow. Blood started pouring down my arm. It made me feel some kind of joy and pride. My phone buzzed, which made me come back into reality. 

What the fuck did I just do? More blood fell down my arm, my first thought was to wash it, I opened the sink and poured water on it. Fuck. I regret it. 

I closed the water and didn’t even bother to dry it. I’m not touching it again. I walked back to my bed and layed on it. I was numb. I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel bad. 

I closed my eyes trying to numb the only pain I felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter because I feel like many people struggle with this. Impulsive thoughts are dangerous. Also, how our mental health affects our relationships with people. So basically this chapter is my experience with impulsive thoughts. Remember to take care of yourself! Eat something, drink water.


	6. I want to kiss them

This chapter mentions self harm and bullying

“If you don’t take it off I'll mark you absent.” The teacher said, everyone was looking at me. 

“I- I can’t,” I responded. George was looking at me, his eyes were red and worried. 

“You know it’s the school’s rules,” she said, “you can’t wear your sweatshirt to Gym class.” 

“Can… can you please make an exception for today?” George asked, I was shocked. 

“No.” her answer was clear. I had to take it off. “You heard it; take it off.” I slowly slipped the sweater off my arms, exposing my skin to everyone. “Thanks.” the teacher said carelessly. “Now, make teams.” 

The same people as always got with their team. George walked over to me. “H-hi George, I wanted to apologize.” 

“It’s okay. I overreacted.” A small smile escaped George’s mouth. I felt relieved , I smiled back at him. “Are your arms… okay?” 

“Yeah don’t worry about that.” I responded. “Anyways, I missed you.” I wrapped my arms around George’s torso, I hugged my best friend tightly. I could hear some whispers behind them. 

“Hey Clay, what a nice boyfriend you got there!” A kid yelled, all of his other friends started laughing. I didn’t respond, he just flipped them off. “Awe, are you too scared to answer?” 

“Please just shut the fuck up.” Clay said. 

“Clay, don’t use that language in here.” The teacher said. 

“You heard her, Clay. Shush.” another kid said. He tried not to break down and yell at all of them. 

“Why are you holding George’s hand?” The first guy said, “Gross.” That’s it. 

I walked over to the guy, still holding George’s hand. “Fuck off. Never talk to us again-” 

“Clay stop, please.” George said, I turned to him and nodded. We walked away from them. 

“Okay guys, so now that you have pairs, you have to do the workout routine I taught you last class.” The teacher said. 

\---------

We had to go change, so George and I walked to the changing room. I was scared that those same guys from before would say something else to us.

I took my shirt off, then my pants. I wrapped a towel around my waist. I looked at the floor while George took his clothes off. My cheeks were warm, but I smiled awkwardly. Trying to not make it obvious. 

Each shower was for two people each. I normally didn’t mind going in the shower. We do this every week. This time I felt different, I felt awkward. 

“Clay? Look up, why are you so nervous?” George asked, shit. 

I looked up at him, his lips looked soft.  _ I want to kiss them.  _

“What?” George asked, oh my god. I said it out loud. “You want to kiss what?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Tell meeee!” George exclaimed. We got inside our shower and closed the curtain.

Okay fuck it. I grabbed his neck with my hand and slowly placed his lips on top of mine. His lips were as soft as a peach. I quickly pulled away from the kiss, he whined, which made me look at him, his cheeks were red. “You.” I said. 

He looked at me and wrapped his arms around my hips, pulling me close to him. He kissed my lips needily. I froze. 

“Does this mean you… like me back?” I asked.

“Shush, other people can hear us.” George said, “Just shut up and kiss me.” his voice sounded playful. 

“Do you know we actually have to shower?” I asked him. 

“That doesn’t mean we have to stop making out.” 

“Oh shut up.” I giggled. “Take your towel off. It’s gonna get wet.” I took mine off, exposing my body to him. Then he took his off. I turned the shower. 

George got closer to me, he whispered under his breath hoarsely, “Kiss me.” 

I did what I was told to. His hands started traveling around my body, which made me shiver a bit, it reminded me of what happened a few days ago. George probably noticed, because he stopped. 

“Okay are we done?” I asked. 

“Oh come on, we both know we want this to last forever,” George said, “But, you’re right. We have class now.” 

I wrapped my towel around myself again and walked out of the shower. Surprise! Those annoying kids were there.

“How was your shower?” One of them asked. 

“I swear to god, if you don’t fucking leave-” I said. A tall guy grabbed me by my arms, I flinched, since he was grabbing me exactly from where I hurt myself. He pushed me and made me face one of his friends. 

“What happened to your arms?” He asked, forcefully grabbing my arm again, “Does it hurt?” He pressed his fingers against it. 

“Leave him alone.” George cried. 

“Okay.” He said. 

“What-?” I asked but his hand interrupted me, slapping my face. I widened my eyes. 

“Please! Let him go.” 

“I won’t hurt your boyfriend dont worry.” 

“You already did fucking dumbass! Leave him alone you stupid-” George yelled. 

“What are you gonna do? Cry?” 

They walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg! Almost 1k hits! tysm!


	7. We're not just friends

“I’m fucking tired, George.” I said. 

“You know, after storms come rainbows.” George answered, “Bye!” he walked to his house, I had to wait for  **James.** I sat down on a bench, other students walked out of the school too. My eyes looked around for James. 

“Who is he?” I heard a harsh voice behind me. 

“Huh?”

“Don’t act stupid,” he answered, “The guy you fucking kissed.” 

“What?” How did he know? 

“Everyone’s talking about it.” 

“James I-“

“Shut up.”

“James, I don’t really feel comfortable around you,” I said, “I’d rather take a break.” I said it, finally. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You heard it, I want to take a break.” 

“What- Why?” 

“James, you know what you did.” 

James smiled, it made me feel uncomfortable, my legs started shaking. “Don’t be such a-”

“Leave him alone!” George yelled, surprisingly he lied to me saying he had to go. But he waited for James while hiding somewhere. 

“George?” I said happily, “You’re here!” 

“Clay what the heck?!” James said, “Is this the guy?” 

“Shut up, we’re  **just friends.** ” George responded, ouch. 

“You know what?” James yelled, “Fuck you Clay, I hope you die soon.” his voice scared me but being honest,  _ I hope I die soon too. _ James sighed. He walked away slowly. 

“Thanks, George.” 

“No problem.” 

“Hey wanna… sit here?” I pointed to the bench. George sat there with me, that’s when I felt the tears coming down. I tried to hold them back. I closed my eyes. George sat there, silent. 

He placed his hand on my thigh, trying to comfort me. “It’s okay… it’s okay to cry, I’m here with you.” 

“I’m tired, I’m tired of life.” I said hopelessly. “I’m tired of trying.” All my mind could think of is how George and I made out in the shower. I remember his hands around my body, and his red lips, that tasted like candy and were as soft as a peach. I smiled softly at the thought. 

“Why are you smiling now?” George asked, confused. He raised his eyebrow. 

“Nothing, nothing.” I giggled. 

“Yeah sure.” He said sarcastically. I lifted my look up and smiled. 

“I can’t stop thinking about what happened earlier,” I muttered, “As far as I know, you’re straight. So I don’t really know if you feel the same way I feel about you.” 

“What do you mean?” George asked, “How do you feel?” 

We’re not just friends, and you know that-” I said, “My point is that I like you, I like you so much, I hate liking you so much, because you probably don’t feel the same way.” 

“I- I don’t know what to say.” He said. What if he doesn’t feel the same as I do? That’s why he didn’t answer when I asked him before. My brain had too many questions. “I… do, I like you back.” 

“Really?” I asked. My eyes widened. 

“Yup,” George said, his hand was still on my thigh, but it felt different. “Can I kiss you?” I nodded. 

“Thanks for asking.” I grabbed George’s jaw carefully and kissed him. Butterflies flew inside my stomach, but I was happy. I was finally brave enough to tell him about my feelings. 

Sometimes it's weird, it's like, one moment I’m sad, then I’m happy, then I’m mad. I need to learn how to control my feelings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m sorry this is a short chapter, the next ones are gonna be longer! I promise!


	8. I love you too

Warning: This chapter is a little… you know like… steamy

“Hey, um, my mom’s not home this week so I’m home alone. Would you like to come to my house and have a sleepover?” I asked George. 

“Mhm! But I have to go get my clothes from my house.”

“Okay, I’ll go get them with you.” 

I couldn’t believe I finally confessed my feelings to him. 

\---------------------------------

After George and I finally arrived at my house we didn’t have much to talk about. I scratched the back of my head. “Oh! Did you know that the news said that we would probably get snow soon? I love december!” George said. 

“Really? That’s cool!” I responded, “When?”

“They said maybe today or tomorrow.” George’s smile brightened up the room. He paused for a second, “Isn’t it weird how all of this is happening?” 

“What?” I asked, confused. 

“I don’t know. I mean like- like… us?” 

“Oh, well if i’m honest I couldn’t be happier.” 

“Yeah, obviously same.” George said, “but like, I don’t know. I kind of wanna kiss you, but I don’t know how to tell you.”

“Talk less.” I uncrossed my legs and faced George, we were both sitting on a couch, so I turned to him. I pressed our lips together. Butterflies fluttered inside of me. His mouth opened slowly, my tongue entered his mouth. 

George whimpered needily, I started kissing his jaw. “I love you.” I muttered, my brain exploded while I said those three words. 

“I love you too.” 

I placed my hand on his crotch, he gasped quietly. I covered his neck with little marks. He tilted his head backwards in pleasure. My phone started ringing. “Oh- sorry.” I apologized. George started giggling. 

“It’s okay” 

I had thirty unread messages and a missed phone call from an unknown number. I read the messages,  _ Whore, whore, whore.  _ That’s all they said. 

“What’s up?” George asked me. 

“Nothing, just James being stupid.” I said, “I’m just gonna ignore the texts.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” My phone started ringing again. I answered. “What the fuck do you want?!” 

“I hope you die soon you fucking whore. You’re a piece of trash and deserve to suffer.” James said, I clenched my fist. 

“Leave me alone, don’t ever call me again.” 

“I hope you die alone, no one loves you.” 

“Shut the fuck up, James.” I hung up. I looked at George, “I’m a little tired, wanna go sleep?” 

“Have you eaten anything today?” George asked. 

“Not really.” 

“When was the last time?” 

“I don’t remember… two days ago I think?” 

“I don’t wanna be annoying but, please,” “You gotta eat something.” 

“No, I’m fine.” 

George sighed, he walked to the kitchen. “No you’re not, here, you have apples, eat one.” He threw the apple at me.” I took a bite out of it. It tasted sweet. “I know it’s hard to eat. But it’s important.” Ew. Food tastes weird. 

“I’m full.” 

“But- you- nono” He corrected himself, “I’m proud of you!” 

I know he didn’t mean it. “Okay. I’m tired goodnight.” I walked to my room. He stood up and followed after me. 

I laid in bed and looked at the roof. “Hey George, come here.” He sat next to me. “C-can you… can you take your shirt off?”  _ What the fuck am I doing with my life. _ He looked at me. 

“What?” 

“Please..?” 

He took his shirt off and laid down, I crawled on top of his chest and started kissing it. I looked at George, his cheeks were as red as an apple. “You look cute.” I said. He started giggling cutely. His body was covered in marks. “Kiss me.” 

“No, I just wanna cuddle.” he responded. I hugged him. I closed my eyes. I finally felt safe, after so long. 


End file.
